I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You ruined the universe
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
