I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
