I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
