we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
