i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
