Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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