There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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