Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
