I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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