i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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