Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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