dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
