apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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