Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
