thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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