New invention idea: vibrating tampons
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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