i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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