I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
