i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Green mimosas i think yes
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
