the condom got lost in my hair
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
