i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
