But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
