i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
