honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
