is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just high enough for therapy.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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