just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
