and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
