All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
