I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
