If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
