the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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