Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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