Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
