it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
