I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
