I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
