don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
