I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
