i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
