she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
