I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
