how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
