youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
