I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
