I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
