worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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