I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
