He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
