Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
