how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
