I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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