How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
