Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
